"Cultivate the habit of early rising. It is unwise to keep the head long on a level with the feet."

Okay, so, I wrote this essay for my English class last year when we were studying transcendentalism. I really enjoyed this section and especially writing this paper, so i decided to share it with y'all. The experiment was to live out a week as a transcendentalist and choose an experiment from a list of things to do for the week. I chose to wake up every morning to watch the sunrise. The paper is pretty self explanatory.

Here it is:

Thoreau Experiment

I am in a dark, dusty, dilapidated room; I feel in my right hand a thin wooden stick- a wand: I am in school, but not just any school, I am at Hogwarts in my Defense Against the Dark Arts Class. Dressed in my robes with my want at hand, I am now ready to go. Next in line, I see my fellow Ravenclaw house mates the other side of the room, awaiting to duel one another; I know exactly which spells to use and when. “Mr. Fierros, you may now take your place.” I step slowly onto the colorful leather wooden platform. I can feel the adrenaline coursing through my body, my stomach, already, is heavy with nervousness, but I dare not show any emotion for my opponent will definitely use them against me. “Wands at the ready…” My heart beat begins to accelerate to a rapid pace as I steadily raise my want above my head. “On the count of three you may begin…” my heart beats faster, the thudding now so violent I can barely breathe, “one…” once again my heart beat begins to accelerate, “two…” faster and faster my heart beats- “THREE!” Just then, I feel a warm hand on my right shoulder and I sadly begin to realize this was all a dream. “Jon! You asked me to wake you up, so here I am.”
My mother begins to complain and attempts to drill me with questions as to why I would wish to wake at such an hour. It is 5:30, certainly hours before I usually wake up to dress for school, and yet here I am slowly getting out of bed and dressing myself. I make my way to the back yard and begin to ascend the ladder to my roof. I am miserable. It is still very dark, all streetlights still lit, and only a few dozen cars can be heard whistling through the cold damp streets. The previous night’s rainfall had left the air cold and crisp; with every exhale, my breath is illuminated in a cloud of white. I soon figure that I cannot stand the entire time and I sit myself down on a lawn chair that I had placed just the night before. After a long ten minutes, I see the eastern horizon instantly a blaze with sunlight. Beautiful shades of yellow, orange, red, and the most spectacular pallet of purple illuminate the sky. In minutes, just as the sky springs to life, simultaneously, house lights turn on, cars roar to life and the streets of Whittier are alive. The journey to this point was compiled with a dream ruined, and a long wait, but was more than I could have ever desired. Although it was only the first day of my experiment, I was already taught the life long lesson to live to see the world, live slowly, and appreciate much. Henry David Thoreau once said: “Live each season as it passes; breathe air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each.”
My mother and others alike, were less supportive when I would explain to them what I was doing. When asked why, I would give them the most honest answer I could possibly reply: it was the easiest experiment on the list to choose from. Quite frankly, I wasn’t very eager to start this experiment, after all- that is some very valuable sleeping time, and as many may or may not know, I don’t get very much of it. And when told why, their reactions were, of course, that of the expected: they laughed for a bit and replied the ever-so-popular “you crazy kid, you!” I was too concerned with maintaining what little dignity I had left to even mention the other truth in why I chose to pursue this particular experiment. It has always been a great desire of mine to watch the sunrise. “He enjoys true leisure who has time to improve his souls estate.” Thoreau explains that through relaxation and pursuing one’s interests, he finds true happiness; I believe man spends too much time marveling the sun set to even begin to think of what began this daily feat.
Henry David Thoreau explained through his teaching, that happiness comes from within, and true happiness comes from enjoying the simplicity of that which is around you. In this experiment, I found ways to enjoy my surroundings instead of complaining about the non-stop world that consumes my everyday life. Slow down- life is too short to not stop and enjoy your surroundings. Thoreau’s reasons for why he left Walden Pond are the same reason for which I chose to pursue this experiment. “I had several more lives to live, and I could not spare any more time for that one.”
This experiment was definitely worth the early mornings. Although, as much as I enjoyed them, I do not believe I will do this again. Maybe as an adult I may find time in my mornings to rest and enjoy what God has created for me, but I find it difficult for a lazy teenager such as myself to wake every morning with such a routine. I must say, I do wish those hours of sleep that I missed were somehow given back. This experiment taught me to not take for granted what is given to you and to enjoy what you already have; take pride in your differences and love freely.

A Toast To Friends

I've learned that goodbyes will always hurt, that pictures will never be replaced, that memories- good or bad, will always bring tears, and that words can never replace those feelings.

Vous avez vos nouveaux amis. Tu es populaire, vous êtes intelligent et charismatique, pourquoi n'est-ce pas vous aimer?
I just wish that you didn't have to forget me in the process...

Call Me Needy

I don't know how to tell you I need you without sounding needy, annoying, or like i'm craving attention. I just really need you. And right now I need you to not be so distant. Can you do that please? For me? I just need my best friend.

Call Me Charlie

“I feel infinite.” A popular phrase from one of my new favorite books, The Perks of Being A Wallflower. The book is about a boy named Charlie, or so he says it is, who writes these letters to some anonymous person, you the reader, and changes the names of everyone in the story so that no one can trace the letters back to him. The letters are merely a way for Charlie to just talk to someone and tell them how he truly feels. Charlie, in many ways, is the quintessential awkward kid with no friends- the child who spends his time alone, observes much, over analyzes and thinks too much, and is always asking why. Though, alone and awkward, he’s had his share of tragedies and has got his portion of tribulations.
Charlie has spent much of his life trying to cope with his feelings of loss and combat anxiety. The signature phrase, “I feel infinite” comes from a scene in the book when Charlie and his new friends, Sam and Patrick, are driving through a long tunnel after the homecoming game on their way to a party. In that moment, Charlie feels something that would set the tone for the rest of the book.
“There is a feeling that I had Friday night after the homecoming game that I don’t know if I will ever be able to describe except to say that it is warm. Sam and Patrick drove me to the party that night, and I sat in the middle of Sam’s pickup truck. […] The feeling I had happened when Sam told Patrick to find a station on the radio. And he kept getting commercials. And commercials. And a really bad song about love that had the word ‘baby’ in it. And then more commercials. And finally he found this really amazing song about this boy, and we all got quiet.
“Sam tapped her hand on the steering wheel. Patrick held his hand outside the car and made air waves. And I just sat between them. After the song finished, I said something
“’I feel infinite.’
“And Sam and Patrick looked at me like I said the greatest thing they ever heard. Because the song was that great and because we all really paid attention to it. Five minutes of a lifetime were truly spent, and we felt young in a good way. I have since bought the record, and I would tell you what it was, but truthfully, it’s not the same unless you’re driving to your first real party, and you’re sitting in the middle of a seat of a pickup with two nice people when it starts to rain.”
Truth is: I don’t feel infinite- I never have. To be honest, at this point, I don’t think I feel like tomorrow. I want to feel like I’m needed. I want to feel like I have a purpose. I want to have an experience that of It’s A Wonderful Life where someone shows me my purpose. I want to feel special, like I’ve made a difference in someone’s life- like someone needs me.
Some days I feel so lonely. It’s days like that when I don’t hear from my friends at all. It’s days like that I relate to Charlie most. I feel like I annoy the people I’m closest to, like they all have better things to do than talk to me.
I want to feel infinite, but for now I’ll have to settle on feeling nothing at all.

J'ai besoin de toi ici

I feel like I'm losing you. You're my best friend. J'ai besoin de toi. Dieu sait que je vous avez besoin. Je ne peux pas vous perdre.

Je suppose que vous pouvez dire.

Que j'ai problèmes d'insécurité. Big time.

Quitter le Merde

i guess you can say that i don't have the balls to tell this to you guys, but one day i will, believe me, that day will come. until then i will stick to this and even possibly leaving you random letters. hm... maybe.

here it goes...
what are you guys doing with your lives? like, seriously. you both had so much going for you. you guys were supposed to go to college. i don't even know who you guys are any more. constantly getting drunk or high or having meaningless sex. what happened to your sense of moral? i wish i could just walk up to you guys and slap some sense into you. would you at six years old even approve of what you're doing. what about your future children- with all do respect, if you are even alive long enough to have children, what will they think of what you're doing now? would you approve if they started this same bull shit. please, pardon my language, but c'mon, get your act together. i say these things to you guys with the deepest sense of love and affection. i really care about you guys. I'm just tired of seeing you throw your life away. this life is a precious, FRAGILE gift and I'd really hate to see you ruin it and toss it down the drain. i love you guys too much to let you do this to yourselves.

Hey Rube. C'est un appel à l'action.

Eternity is calling, but they can't even hear the call to answer it.

Le Temps de Vivre

I'm all huddle with no break. I'm all talk with no walk. I'm the welcome mat that refuses to be trampled over, but doesn't mind being stepped on. It's time for me to really do something; time to prove to this world that I'm not joking anymore. Too many wasted could've, should've, would'ves. I will no longer allow myself to be a blank canvas. My paints are out and I'm ready to create something the world will never forget. I'm tired of asking for help and not getting it from the people I need it from most. Vas te faire encule! Aujourd'hui est le mien pour le prélèvement, il est temps que je commencer à vivre!

[Insert Title Here]

Note: This will not make sense.

I guess you could say things are starting to look up. I feel so blessed to have the people I have in my life. Honestly, where would i be without them? --Let's not answer that question. Yes? Good! So, these last couple of weeks have been less than desirable. Depression is really nothing to joke about. Depression is everyday life for me; it's real. My small group leader, and great friend, summed up my feelings for depression in a few short words: "Depression is like a hug from an old friend..." And to be completely honest, it is. It's what i know best. Even when things are great, I always know in the back of my mind that things can't stay this good forever. It's just this ominous cloud following closely behind waiting for me to trip, to quickly catch up and make me feel inferior for a while.
I thank God for the friends i have every night. I'm glad they feel they can trust me with everything. But some times it's just too much for me. I love helping my friends, I really do, but sometimes I feel as if people expect way too much from me; I'M ONLY ONE PERSON! Not only does the pressure to always have it together effect me mentally, but physically. Through this whole ordeal, i have not been able to have a good nights sleep in over 4 months and on top of that, I'm just barely starting to eat how i used to. Yes, things are getting better, but it's still going to take some time. I guess that's all I can ask for, right? Cool.

You Don't Even Know the Beginning of It.

It honestly feels as if every one's got somewhere to be, like every one's going somewhere in life except for me. They're all beautiful, they're all smart, they're all twenty times more talented than I will ever be. I can never, nor will i ever measure up to the status quo. I'm not good looking, I'm not smart, and I know I'm talented, but there are 30,000 other kids out there who can do exactly what I do- if not better. I'm constantly beating myself up over the little things and too preoccupied to even begin to worry about the big things. Sometimes it feels as if I'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders and no one's there to help me. I give so much for other people, I bend over backwards for every one and never even get a thank you. Everyone else is so preoccupied with their own lives that they can't even see the train wreck in front of them. Honestly, sometimes it's like: What about Jon? What about me?

My Trance

Dreams take me to a completely different world. Sometimes I find myself standing in the middle of the room staring at a blank wall. To the innocent bystander, I may appear to be mentally disturbed and quite frankly, I may very well be mentally disturbed. But I don't mind; when I begin staring at that wall, I don't see white just as any innocent passerby. I find myself in a completely different universe- trapped inside a world of vivid movement. Before my eyes I see inter-choreography between beauteous shades of blues, greens, yellows, and the most vibrant shades of red. A world where my inner-most frustrations are set free and take flight. A world of my own, my own fantasy- nothing more than a dream.

Upon being asked to remember an afternoon my mind immediately takes me back home. No, not the house I live in now, but rather a street I spent one joyous year living on. I was only six then and had no intentions of growing any older. Instead of writing about only one afternoon of time spent living on that street, superbly named Caldwell, I feel compelled to share my entire experience. Looking back, exactly ten years later, I feel as if I grew up on this street; so much laughter shared with the neighbors, so many tears shed upon our departure. Although, one afternoon still haunts my memory.
The day was bright and sunny and a neighbor had stopped his car in the middle of the street to exchange conversation with my mother on his way home from work. Being only six at the time, the infamous call of "CAR!" from my mother seemed only too nonchalant. When the fellow neighborhood kids and I heard this call, we scattered from the middle of the street. My brother, sister, cousin, and a neighbor ran to one side of the street; as for my self and another neighbor, we ran to the other. I remember turning to suddenly see a flash of red rush past before my eyes and hearing a distant bang followed by the sound of screeching tires. I turned abruptly to investigate the sound, only to find my dear friend unconscious and bleeding on the street.
Instantaneously, screams of fear and anguish filled the air. My neighbor’s father had taken off his suit jacket and fashioned a makeshift pillow to help his daughter rest on the street, as well as absorb what it could of the blood that was rushing from her scull. “SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE! SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE!” was all I make out from all of the clamor and clatter of my world going into shock.
In the midst of all of the commotion I had completely ignored the pain in my now, severely swollen hand. In retrospect, I cannot believe how I could have withstood such pain; I should have burst into tears and fallen on the street, writhing in pain. Instead, I ran to the safest place I could find: my home. I broke in to a fierce dash for my front door, leaving all worries and troubles behind me. I tore my front door open, and in a feeble attempt to cope with fear, I jumped behind my couch, crouched into the fetal position, and wept.