Being Alive

What’s the point in trying- really? I always seem to screw things up or just have things screw up. I’m always looking for something else, something better. My problem lies in being content; problem is: I’m NEVER content. Arms are never welcoming enough to hold me. Words are never warm enough to console me.

Somebody, hold me too close,

Somebody, hurt me too deep,
Somebody, sit in my chair
And ruin my sleep
And make me aware
Of being alive,
Being alive.

Somebody, need me too much,
Somebody, know me too well,
Somebody, pull me up short
And put me through hell
And give me support
For being alive,
Make me alive.

Make me confused,
Mock me with praise,
Let me be used,
Vary my days.
But alone is alone, not alive.

Somebody, crowd me with love,
Somebody, force me to care,
Somebody, make me come through,
I'll always be there,
As frightened as you,
To help us survive
Being alive,
Being alive,
Being alive!

I don’t think I’ve ever related to lyrics more than that. Life is moving too fast. I hurt far too easy. I care too much. I need to let go. I need to stop, think, and create a game plan. Life is far too short to just coast through. It's time to take the keys, pack the car, drive- it’s time to turn off Auto-Pilot and take the wheel and drive.

Lately.

Recently, I've had a lot on my mind. Lately, my innermost conscious has been taking me down "What-Am-I-Doing-With-My-Life-Lane." But really, what am I doing with my life? Yes, I'm loving on people, but am I making disciples? I feel as though my whole life is running past me in a rhythmic marathon and I cannot find the beat; I've been edging along with a tune that can't find it's sound and traipsing down into a syncopated world of driving cluster-chords. Sure, they sound beautiful together when the product is finished, but that type of tuning takes time to get used to: time, I'm afraid I do not have.

I feel as though I've taken three steps forward and two back, but maybe these are the directions enlisted on the map? Perhaps I missed the turn and I need to go back to advance forward? Yes, I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel I have subconsciously dug myself into. The only way out is to keep moving, I suppose.

As coherent as these thoughts seem to be, they really aren't. I have come to the conclusion that life is most definitely a game. I've got the right tools: good friends, a loving family, and most importantly God, but do I have the right strategy? I would like to think so, but I should say not. I've been dealt the right hand, but now I need to roll the dice. And as my last year in high school begins to come to a racing end, I can only think of how far I've come and where I'm going. That's life I suppose: here's to second chances.

Donc, pour l'instant, je n'ai que des mots.

J'ai l'impression que vous êtes juste à l'aide-moi il est juste comme je suis une espèce de chose malade peu de jeu pour vous et tout cela est un jeu! I wish I had the courage to tell you what I'm really thinking, but I'm far too incoherent and immature for that. Pourtant, même encore aujourd'hui, j'ai été assez aveugles pour croire que je porte se tenait la moitié de la chance, je pensais que j'avais. I'm not one to truely say and express what I feel through words, but when there's nothing else left I try my best. Feeble as this sad attempt is, I still feel I'll never ever really muster up the courage needed to speak my mind. Donc, pour l'instant, je n'ai que des mots.

Awkward Penguin

I wrote this essay today in keyboarding for a timed writing prompt. The prompt itself was "In a well developed essay, describe how an individual may avert an awkward situation while still mantaining proper manners." I was floored. The school was going to have me waste my time on this? Bull. I think from just reading this, you can completely hear my reluctantness and sarcasm. (:

Awkward Situations- we all hate them. Some might even say they enjoy them, but the real fact here is that one may endure an awkward situation or two in their life time. One may stutter along the way and make it out feeling embarrassed and altogether confused, others may handle it like a true professional. How one handles an awkward situation may define who they are as a person.

Personally, I either change the subject or, to escape being dragged unwillingly somewhere, muster-up my favorite lie: “Oh so sorry but I just remembered that I was planning on washing my pet goldfishes hair today and I simply cannot cancel on him again!” Is it random? Yes, of course! Does it get the job done? Well, that is up to the one who is unfortunate enough to have received such said comment. This comment should only be used when around those of good company, such as a good friend or a door-to-door Christian.
Other ways to avert an awkward conversation is to totally and completely address the situation. The best way to console someone’s misfortune is through laughter, in this case, the misfortune is utter confusion throughout the group present. Laughter amongst company is most always welcome in most situations.
Lastly, one may handle such a situation by simply asking to explain what has just occurred. In good company, someone must surely be willing to take the time to explain!
All people are destined to fall into the clutches of an awkward situation, but anyone is capable of worming their way out.

Genius, I think so! :D