Donc, pour l'instant, je n'ai que des mots.

J'ai l'impression que vous êtes juste à l'aide-moi il est juste comme je suis une espèce de chose malade peu de jeu pour vous et tout cela est un jeu! I wish I had the courage to tell you what I'm really thinking, but I'm far too incoherent and immature for that. Pourtant, même encore aujourd'hui, j'ai été assez aveugles pour croire que je porte se tenait la moitié de la chance, je pensais que j'avais. I'm not one to truely say and express what I feel through words, but when there's nothing else left I try my best. Feeble as this sad attempt is, I still feel I'll never ever really muster up the courage needed to speak my mind. Donc, pour l'instant, je n'ai que des mots.

Awkward Penguin

I wrote this essay today in keyboarding for a timed writing prompt. The prompt itself was "In a well developed essay, describe how an individual may avert an awkward situation while still mantaining proper manners." I was floored. The school was going to have me waste my time on this? Bull. I think from just reading this, you can completely hear my reluctantness and sarcasm. (:

Awkward Situations- we all hate them. Some might even say they enjoy them, but the real fact here is that one may endure an awkward situation or two in their life time. One may stutter along the way and make it out feeling embarrassed and altogether confused, others may handle it like a true professional. How one handles an awkward situation may define who they are as a person.

Personally, I either change the subject or, to escape being dragged unwillingly somewhere, muster-up my favorite lie: “Oh so sorry but I just remembered that I was planning on washing my pet goldfishes hair today and I simply cannot cancel on him again!” Is it random? Yes, of course! Does it get the job done? Well, that is up to the one who is unfortunate enough to have received such said comment. This comment should only be used when around those of good company, such as a good friend or a door-to-door Christian.
Other ways to avert an awkward conversation is to totally and completely address the situation. The best way to console someone’s misfortune is through laughter, in this case, the misfortune is utter confusion throughout the group present. Laughter amongst company is most always welcome in most situations.
Lastly, one may handle such a situation by simply asking to explain what has just occurred. In good company, someone must surely be willing to take the time to explain!
All people are destined to fall into the clutches of an awkward situation, but anyone is capable of worming their way out.

Genius, I think so! :D

"Cultivate the habit of early rising. It is unwise to keep the head long on a level with the feet."

Okay, so, I wrote this essay for my English class last year when we were studying transcendentalism. I really enjoyed this section and especially writing this paper, so i decided to share it with y'all. The experiment was to live out a week as a transcendentalist and choose an experiment from a list of things to do for the week. I chose to wake up every morning to watch the sunrise. The paper is pretty self explanatory.

Here it is:

Thoreau Experiment

I am in a dark, dusty, dilapidated room; I feel in my right hand a thin wooden stick- a wand: I am in school, but not just any school, I am at Hogwarts in my Defense Against the Dark Arts Class. Dressed in my robes with my want at hand, I am now ready to go. Next in line, I see my fellow Ravenclaw house mates the other side of the room, awaiting to duel one another; I know exactly which spells to use and when. “Mr. Fierros, you may now take your place.” I step slowly onto the colorful leather wooden platform. I can feel the adrenaline coursing through my body, my stomach, already, is heavy with nervousness, but I dare not show any emotion for my opponent will definitely use them against me. “Wands at the ready…” My heart beat begins to accelerate to a rapid pace as I steadily raise my want above my head. “On the count of three you may begin…” my heart beats faster, the thudding now so violent I can barely breathe, “one…” once again my heart beat begins to accelerate, “two…” faster and faster my heart beats- “THREE!” Just then, I feel a warm hand on my right shoulder and I sadly begin to realize this was all a dream. “Jon! You asked me to wake you up, so here I am.”
My mother begins to complain and attempts to drill me with questions as to why I would wish to wake at such an hour. It is 5:30, certainly hours before I usually wake up to dress for school, and yet here I am slowly getting out of bed and dressing myself. I make my way to the back yard and begin to ascend the ladder to my roof. I am miserable. It is still very dark, all streetlights still lit, and only a few dozen cars can be heard whistling through the cold damp streets. The previous night’s rainfall had left the air cold and crisp; with every exhale, my breath is illuminated in a cloud of white. I soon figure that I cannot stand the entire time and I sit myself down on a lawn chair that I had placed just the night before. After a long ten minutes, I see the eastern horizon instantly a blaze with sunlight. Beautiful shades of yellow, orange, red, and the most spectacular pallet of purple illuminate the sky. In minutes, just as the sky springs to life, simultaneously, house lights turn on, cars roar to life and the streets of Whittier are alive. The journey to this point was compiled with a dream ruined, and a long wait, but was more than I could have ever desired. Although it was only the first day of my experiment, I was already taught the life long lesson to live to see the world, live slowly, and appreciate much. Henry David Thoreau once said: “Live each season as it passes; breathe air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each.”
My mother and others alike, were less supportive when I would explain to them what I was doing. When asked why, I would give them the most honest answer I could possibly reply: it was the easiest experiment on the list to choose from. Quite frankly, I wasn’t very eager to start this experiment, after all- that is some very valuable sleeping time, and as many may or may not know, I don’t get very much of it. And when told why, their reactions were, of course, that of the expected: they laughed for a bit and replied the ever-so-popular “you crazy kid, you!” I was too concerned with maintaining what little dignity I had left to even mention the other truth in why I chose to pursue this particular experiment. It has always been a great desire of mine to watch the sunrise. “He enjoys true leisure who has time to improve his souls estate.” Thoreau explains that through relaxation and pursuing one’s interests, he finds true happiness; I believe man spends too much time marveling the sun set to even begin to think of what began this daily feat.
Henry David Thoreau explained through his teaching, that happiness comes from within, and true happiness comes from enjoying the simplicity of that which is around you. In this experiment, I found ways to enjoy my surroundings instead of complaining about the non-stop world that consumes my everyday life. Slow down- life is too short to not stop and enjoy your surroundings. Thoreau’s reasons for why he left Walden Pond are the same reason for which I chose to pursue this experiment. “I had several more lives to live, and I could not spare any more time for that one.”
This experiment was definitely worth the early mornings. Although, as much as I enjoyed them, I do not believe I will do this again. Maybe as an adult I may find time in my mornings to rest and enjoy what God has created for me, but I find it difficult for a lazy teenager such as myself to wake every morning with such a routine. I must say, I do wish those hours of sleep that I missed were somehow given back. This experiment taught me to not take for granted what is given to you and to enjoy what you already have; take pride in your differences and love freely.

A Toast To Friends

I've learned that goodbyes will always hurt, that pictures will never be replaced, that memories- good or bad, will always bring tears, and that words can never replace those feelings.

Vous avez vos nouveaux amis. Tu es populaire, vous êtes intelligent et charismatique, pourquoi n'est-ce pas vous aimer?
I just wish that you didn't have to forget me in the process...

Call Me Needy

I don't know how to tell you I need you without sounding needy, annoying, or like i'm craving attention. I just really need you. And right now I need you to not be so distant. Can you do that please? For me? I just need my best friend.

Call Me Charlie

“I feel infinite.” A popular phrase from one of my new favorite books, The Perks of Being A Wallflower. The book is about a boy named Charlie, or so he says it is, who writes these letters to some anonymous person, you the reader, and changes the names of everyone in the story so that no one can trace the letters back to him. The letters are merely a way for Charlie to just talk to someone and tell them how he truly feels. Charlie, in many ways, is the quintessential awkward kid with no friends- the child who spends his time alone, observes much, over analyzes and thinks too much, and is always asking why. Though, alone and awkward, he’s had his share of tragedies and has got his portion of tribulations.
Charlie has spent much of his life trying to cope with his feelings of loss and combat anxiety. The signature phrase, “I feel infinite” comes from a scene in the book when Charlie and his new friends, Sam and Patrick, are driving through a long tunnel after the homecoming game on their way to a party. In that moment, Charlie feels something that would set the tone for the rest of the book.
“There is a feeling that I had Friday night after the homecoming game that I don’t know if I will ever be able to describe except to say that it is warm. Sam and Patrick drove me to the party that night, and I sat in the middle of Sam’s pickup truck. […] The feeling I had happened when Sam told Patrick to find a station on the radio. And he kept getting commercials. And commercials. And a really bad song about love that had the word ‘baby’ in it. And then more commercials. And finally he found this really amazing song about this boy, and we all got quiet.
“Sam tapped her hand on the steering wheel. Patrick held his hand outside the car and made air waves. And I just sat between them. After the song finished, I said something
“’I feel infinite.’
“And Sam and Patrick looked at me like I said the greatest thing they ever heard. Because the song was that great and because we all really paid attention to it. Five minutes of a lifetime were truly spent, and we felt young in a good way. I have since bought the record, and I would tell you what it was, but truthfully, it’s not the same unless you’re driving to your first real party, and you’re sitting in the middle of a seat of a pickup with two nice people when it starts to rain.”
Truth is: I don’t feel infinite- I never have. To be honest, at this point, I don’t think I feel like tomorrow. I want to feel like I’m needed. I want to feel like I have a purpose. I want to have an experience that of It’s A Wonderful Life where someone shows me my purpose. I want to feel special, like I’ve made a difference in someone’s life- like someone needs me.
Some days I feel so lonely. It’s days like that when I don’t hear from my friends at all. It’s days like that I relate to Charlie most. I feel like I annoy the people I’m closest to, like they all have better things to do than talk to me.
I want to feel infinite, but for now I’ll have to settle on feeling nothing at all.

J'ai besoin de toi ici

I feel like I'm losing you. You're my best friend. J'ai besoin de toi. Dieu sait que je vous avez besoin. Je ne peux pas vous perdre.