broken. im hurting so bad. it kills me.


sometimes i just think everything would just be so much easier if i werent around, if i didnt exist, if i were dead.

I'm pathetic and the epitome of a failure son, brother, and friend.


It's no wonder why no one has loved me. Not only do I not deserve it, I apparently repel it.

Sometimes I just want to die...

I'm tired of being lonely. And I'm tired of coming in second. I just want whats mine. I'm breaking down. God, somebody, ANYBODY, please hear me and stop me before I fall too far.

It's pathetic how much I fight for your attention. I swear, this is the fucking story of my life. I ALWAYS put so much more effort than the other. For once, I just want to know the effort, time, and care I put into my relationships are not going unnoticed and are treated like something of value. I'M pathetic. I'm so done trying, but I still can't stop.

Im so fucking tired of trying, putting in all the effort, and waiting for you to come around. I'm just fucking sick of it. I'm so hurt right now, all I ever do is to please/impress you, but I guess it's not enough cos nothing is EVER enough. I'm done. I'm done hurting. I'm done crying. And I'm definitely done with feeling like I mean absolutely nothing to you. Once, just ONCE I want to feel like I'm not just there because it's nice to have me there, but because you NEED me there. I fucking bend over backwards and jump through hoops for you. And the worst part is, I know the second you call my name, I'm going to buckle and crawl back just as fast as before.

And just like that...

It's done. I should have known. And now I'm falling and trying to breathe. In reality, I fell too hard and now I'm just reaping what I have so carelessly sewn. I'm so fucking pathetic and stupid.


Je suppose que l'amour est juste nit mon truc.