Friday, August 28, 2009
You Don't Even Know the Beginning of It.
It honestly feels as if every one's got somewhere to be, like every one's going somewhere in life except for me. They're all beautiful, they're all smart, they're all twenty times more talented than I will ever be. I can never, nor will i ever measure up to the status quo. I'm not good looking, I'm not smart, and I know I'm talented, but there are 30,000 other kids out there who can do exactly what I do- if not better. I'm constantly beating myself up over the little things and too preoccupied to even begin to worry about the big things. Sometimes it feels as if I'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders and no one's there to help me. I give so much for other people, I bend over backwards for every one and never even get a thank you. Everyone else is so preoccupied with their own lives that they can't even see the train wreck in front of them. Honestly, sometimes it's like: What about Jon? What about me?
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Jon, you have absolutely no idea how much I can relate to this. People think that I'm successful, and that my life must be great. The truth? I have a little bit of success; but all of it is worthless, compared to the price I had to pay for it. The days, weeks, months, and years that I've lost, spent in solitude and desolation; bound in depression and self-loathing, spent behind locked doors. I'm an adult now, who never had his teenage years, in essence.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what to say to this . . . except this is exactly where I am in my life; and I know EXACTLY where you're coming from.
Zach Estel.